Today's blog is for Keith. He will know why. On 7/7 he unthinkingly put the safety of others before himself. That's typical of him.

Have you ever found yourself fallen in love? That's a line from a Belle&Sebastian song. Well, yes, I can answer, yes I have found myself in love. I can even tell you the date that it happened: 4th March, 2004. That was when I couldn't hold out anymore and had to start being honest with myself: that despite my years of training and despite straining every sinew in my body against it, I had falled in love with Keith Lesley Pannell.

In retrospect, what a ridiculous fight. I know now that Keith always achieves his objectives, and thanks be, he had made winning me one such objective.

It was not the most prospicious of beginnings. I was on holiday in Gran Canaria, staying in a gay resort. Have you ever stayed in such a place? Imagine all the worst aspects/contestants from Big Brother, then imagine yourself locked in with them, and set the temperature at upwards of 40 degrees C. Oh, and you have to imagine that you're also at least 3 stone heavier than (with one exception) everyone else there. Then add a sound track of screaming; constant, nervy screaming, with a lack of beer or indeed any escape.

SO there I was, plonked by the pool, trying to keep my tummy hidden under a towel, feeling stupid for agreeing to come, reflecting that even at 34 I was way too old to be in such a place, resolving never to go further than the Radio4 bandwidth from Hackney again, when I saw him.


-- on his beloved Dartmoor.

He was so handsome, sat with two friends outside their villa, drinking (I thought) endless diet coke, just quietly watching the rest of the complex. I thought I'd never seen such a handsome man. I can't type "fworr" but I'm afraid I was having that sort of thought inside. So somehow I suddenly lost all my "gosh but I'm so different to the clientele here" type feelings, and thought, oh well, you're on holiday, go on, try and attract his attention.

There was nil eye contact, I mean NIL. I swam up and down the pool past their villa, up, down, up, down, greeting I think every other inhabitant of the island over the next couple of hours, up, down -- nothing from this solid, handsome man, not a flicker.

Oh well never mind. Get changed, meet mates at the bar to go our for dinner ... guess who's standing there, on his own. I struggled to get out "would you like a drink?" - he probably heard "wurr wurr wurr wurr drrrrink?" (I forget how scottish I actually sound, in my head it's all BBC received pronunciation) and he shook his head: "No thanks. Just waiting for my friends". Well that was definitely it then no?

But when his friends came out they had a bit of a confab and then the big man approached again. "Would you like to meet for a drink after dinner?" he asked, politely.

Reader, I married him.

Well not quite then and there but in effect, yes then and there. I always thought that falling in love would be a gradual matter. I had no idea it overwhelms every particle in your being, changing everything, instantly.

We had a great time that holiday. I found out that his background was as impressive as his appearance: 16 years serving his country in the RAF, and the previous 8 years working for BAe in Saudi Arabia.


-- in Eddistone lighthouse on Plymouth Hoe.

We endured a few months of separation, Keith flying back from Saudi as often as poss. Eventually - I think he'd decided this from the go - he resigned and moved back to London so that we could be together. On 20 August 2004 we began our life together at Victoria Park Road and I know, like I've never known anything before in my life - there's no mathematical theorem I believe in with such certainty - that God loved us enough to bring us together, and together we will be for the rest of our time on Earth.

I used to live in an empty box; Keith has built us a home, a loving home, the centre of our world, where we can be at peace and share our love. I used to BE an empty box; Keith has filled me with joy and laughter and the warmth that comes from being a real human being. There aren't words, certainly none available to me, to describe how he makes me feel: that he's the first thought in the morning and the last at night, that I love him with a fierce protective passion, that sometimes I get dizzy just thinking of the enormity of this wonderful, capable, handsome, thoughtful, protective, caring man deciding that I was good enough to be his ... Keith: I love you, I love you today and I'll love you forever.


-- the famous Devon cream tea gets made short work of.